Grammar Explained by Artichoke

***I thought I posted this a LONG time ago, but found it as a draft!  Nice to come across such fun memories.**

Artichoke pointing to a exclamation point: This means you have to say this very happy!

Redhead in Raleigh: That's right!  Didn't Mommy say it happily?

Artichoke:  No, not really.

RinR:  Well, I'll have to work on that.

Artichoke:  Yes you will.

RinR:  Do you know what that's called?

Artichoke:  Yes! An... explan- expla- explamation mark!

2012 Year in Review: The Complete Foster Care Cycle

Last names and faces have been changed to protect the innocent.

Can't even imagine what 2013 has in store for us!

Hope for the best (and for some batteries)!

As I've discussed before, we aren't expecting to have any contact with Artichoke and Zucchini now that they have been reunified with their family. While we hoped this would be different, we aren't surprised that this is how things turned out. First, the boys were only at our home for 5 months, leaving us very little time to form a meaningful relationship with their parents. Second, we had no meetings with the specific purpose of shared parenting, which is part of the county's plan for every case. Although, when is that plan actually followed?  Please excuse my sarcasm. And finally, the social workers didn't do the best job at facilitating this relationship- at all.

Since the boys' case is still open, we were told before the boys left that we could send Christmas presents to them through the social work. And I had most of their Christmas presents already purchased before we knew they would be heading home so soon. I tried to keep the Christmas gifts simple, which meant spoiling them with some special treats aka already purchased Christmas gifts before they left. This left us giving each of them two toys we knew they'd enjoy- Cars Memory game and Angry Birds game for Artichoke and two trucks for Zucchini. And they each got a Cinch Sac (love me some Thirty One) with their name embroidered filled with Christmas and winter themed books.

via Toys R Us

via Amazon

via Amazon

via Toys R Us

While I'm happy we can give them a few presents, it also seems weird to participate in their Christmas after no contact in a month and no expected contact in the future. I worry that they are starting to settle into their new chapter and I don't want presents from us to give them false hope we will be in their future or create any sadness from missing us.  But I also knew that if I didn't take advantage of this opportunity, I'd regret it.

I think these presents actually made Christmas harder for me this year because it is so partial. We aren't able to spoil them the way we had planned. Let me tell you it would have been an insane Christmas- complete with Santa visiting our house on Christmas Eve! And yet I have felt these presents hanging over me as the last thread that has been keeping us connected to them albeit in the vaguest way possible.

Today we the hubby delivered the presents to the social worker.  To be honest, I'm glad I wasn't there. I probably would have turned into a crying mess. From this point forward, there is no plan of contact and we aren't expecting any updates. This is the end.  This chapter is completely closed.

Now we can just hope for the best.

And hope they have some AA batteries for those trucks since I forgot to include them!

It Sucks

I haven't posted because I haven't quite known what to say.  Things have been rough this week. Really rough at times. 

We got our first update on Artichoke and Zucchini. *buzz kill alert* I'm not going to share any of the specifics because that isn't the point of this.  But I will say that for the most part things are going as we expected- for better or worse.  But the update hit me hard.  Like really hard.  Partly because the phone call was completely unexpected.  And the information just started flowing and it took me a minute to wrap my head around the fact that we were even getting an update much less what was actually being said- not that it was all that much information. But then it really sunk in that they aren't here anymore. We didn't get a weekend off.  Or find the most incredible babysitter ever.  But they are gone. And they aren't coming back.

My only post-reunification wish was to maintain contact at any level. So I always thought I would love getting status updates. And right now, these little updates from the social workers are looking like our only link to the boys ever- although I still hope that my google search in 2026 turns up some awesome results. But now I find myself dreading any update.  I mean, there is still a tiny part of me is excited to hear that everything is okay and they are fine.  But when the update includes things that aren't perfect (which is bound to happen because everything can't always be perfect) it is harder than I imagined.  I know immediately what I want to tell them or do to comfort them.  But I can't do anything except worry and hope things work themselves out.  And now I wondering if I'd rather just not know.

So this week has been filled with so many thoughts of the things we can't do anymore. We can't give them a hug when things are tough. We can't high-five and treat them to dinner out for good behavior. We can't experience the joy of Christmas through their eyes. We can't read them an extra book so we can steal one more snuggle. We can't be there anymore.  Despite how much we want to be.

It sucks. Their room is way too empty. Our house is staying way too clean. Rudy has way too much energy. And decorating for Christmas without them isn't any fun. Anyone want to come decorate our tree?

But I am so thankful for everyone who has been checking in on me.  I appreciate it more than you know.  I'm sorry I haven't returned your email/comment/text/phone call/message/etc.  I just don't really know what to say. And honestly, the last thing I want to talk about right now is all of this because I turn into a big blubbery mess. I am hanging in there and I'm doing okay. So there's no need to worry. But it sucks.

So Thankful

I am so thankful for all of the comments, emails, texts, posts, and calls from family and friends (including the creepy internet ones) that helped me get through yesterday and the last month. Really you have no idea how much these mean to me and how supportive they really were.  Thank you!

But I also want to thank everyone who has been with us in this foster parenting journey: supporting us through the mountains of paperwork, understanding as we transitioned into and out of parenthood, cooking yummy dinners so we have one less thing to figure out, volunteering to be an approved babysitter, actually babysitting so we can regain some sanity, cheering as we celebrated, listening when we needed to vent, sharing advice, accepting the lack of details we can share,  hugging us when we needed it the most (even from far away),  understanding when life got in the way of posts and accepting and cherishing Artichoke and Zucchini for who they are.

Happy Thanksgiving! 

Saying Good-Bye with Colored Stairs

It is official. Artichoke and Zucchini are back at home.

Since we had so much time to contemplate our last hours with the boys, this became a constant worry for me. Would they know what was really going on? Would our good-bye be special? Would it become overly emotional making things more difficult for the boys? I feel like I played a thousand different scenarios in my head of how the good-byes could go, which never helps you think it will turn out okay.

The hubby and I both woke up the boys per Artichoke's request. They got dressed and had breakfast just like every morning. Then we showed the boys all of their belongings that were packed up and ready to move to "real mommy's house". This definitely eased some of Artichoke's anxiety, but he also continued to ask if this or that was packed all morning long. We played inside with the boys and stole some more snuggles. We could tell they were getting restless since there were so few toys available to play with since most were packed. So we headed out side to play and burn off some energy until the social worker arrived.  We were shocked that she pulled up to our house a few minutes early, since we were half expecting the move date to rescheduled yet again. Shortly after she arrived, Zucchini put all of the pieces together and began to cry scream. The poor social worker was trying to soothe him, which he wasn't having. But as soon as the hubby picked him up, he immediately calmed down. I was SO thankful that things clicked for Zucchini. One of my fears was that he'd wave good-bye not realizing that this was it. But he's a smart cookie and totally got it.

After packing up her SUV, it was time for the good-byes.  We didn't want a long, emotional good-bye since we thought stirring up emotions in the boys right before they went home wouldn't be good for anyone.  We made sure everyone was wearing their listening ears and had their extra set ready in case the first pair fell off- as we do every morning.  Then hugs and kisses.  Then we talked about how we will miss each other but we are all connected by The Invisible String (highly recommend this book for all kids).  Then there were a few more hugs and kisses and they were off.  Honestly, it was a GREAT good-bye.  It was positive but there was definitely some closure for all of us.

The rest of the day has been kind of a blur.  I went into work for a while to finish up some things, which was a good distraction.  Tonight, the hubby and I enjoyed some sushi, wine, and our hot tub!  I'm sure as the weekend goes on things will continue to sink in.

My favorite part of the day?  When we went outside to play, I stayed inside for a quick shower.  When I went outside I saw all of my boys (Artichoke, Zucchini and the hubby) hard at work on this to surprise me.  And my heart melted.

Yes, they are just sidewalk chalk colored stairs.  But they are so much more than that.  The last time the stairs were colored was because Artichoke and Zucchini wanted to surprise the hubby while he took a nap (which forever earned him the nickname "Awesome Sleepyhead") because he had pneumonia. That was 5 months ago.  Or more precisely the first weekend we had the boys!  I loved how any visitors coming to our home were immediately greeted with evidence of our two little ones!

Today I needed to see those stairs because they mean so much more.  Of course, they are still a sign of how truly sweet these boys are.  But they also show me that something has "stuck" with the boys- even something as little as coloring stairs.  So many people have told us that we have made a lasting impact on them.  While I do believe we have had an impact, I wonder how "lasting" it will be.  But today I have much more hope.  If they can remember color stairs is fun, then hopefully they will remember to keep their listening ears on or that fair doesn't mean equal or to chew with their mouth closed or some other lesson we taught that really is much more useful.

But the real reason I love the stairs is because coming home now isn't so bad.  I had dreaded the quiet of our home after boys left.  But now I don't feel like the boys are completely gone.  Their sweet gesture still greets our visitors with the same warm welcome.  But most importantly, those stairs greet me and make the new quiet-ness of this new chapter in life so much more bearable.

Emotional Empty

Remember here when the judge said the boys would go home?  That was 12 days ago.  A week prior to that court date (19 days ago) was when we started hearing rumors that the boys would go home.  And that is when we began the craziest emotional roller coaster of foster care yet.

I thought it would be simple once the judge ordered that the boys should move home.  Rookie mistake. We have had 6 moving dates up to this point.  And that doesn't include the always present "or some other day".  Ugh!  This means for practically the last three weeks we have been treating every moment as our last.  Because, well, it could have been.  Can you say emotionally draining?  I was trying to make every Friday Family Fun day/weekend/meal/bathtime special.  So the boys have eaten their fair share of pizza, gotten crazy amounts of snuggles and were spoiled with a few treats aka already purchased Christmas presents. 

But all of this constant worry that this moment, no this moment is their last has drained all of my emotion.  I am now numb to it all.  I have been officially on emotional empty.  But I don't necessarily think it is a bad thing.

We found out a few hours ago that we are in the last 36 hours- and that is a lot of notice.  Previously, they were estimating giving us about 2 hours notice.  Confused?  We are too!  But no one ever said how the foster care system works has to make sense.

I think being on emotional empty might be good so that I don't add to the boys Artichoke's emotions.  Zucchini has always been Mr. Easy Going, unless you try to eat his food or take off his shoes.  So he is completely unfazed by any of our discussions with him.  Artichoke is crazy smart and therefore figured out "something" was going on.  Then last Thursday he was told how hard his parents were working and that he'd move home soon.  Well the wheels have been turning ever since.  So when we told him tonight that tomorrow was his last day at this school- complete heart wrenching meltdown.  Leaving us to have the most difficult conversation I've ever had in my life. 

Emotional empty was actually a huge benefit tonight.  Because the last thing that conversation needed was more tears.  It needed someone who was sympathetic but could also try to make sense out of all of these changes- without giving any specific details.  That, of course, is the social worker's job tomorrow night.  Good luck with that!

So wish us luck in our last 36 hours.  This part of foster-mom-ing really sucks!  

Life Books for Foster Kiddos

First of all, what is a life book?
It is a book that tells the story of a foster child's life.  It can include all sorts of things that help tell the story of the child's life while in foster care. 

What kind of stuff gets included?

A typical life book would start from the beginning: birth.  So you could make up a cutesy birth announcement, include a baby picture (if you have one) and even include their birth certificate.  It could then include information about the birth family:  family trees, information on parents and siblings and pictures.  Then typical entering foster care is covered by explaining why the child came into care- obviously in age appropriate language.  Many people are shocked that this is included.  But it is part of their story, nice or not.  Then there is information about the foster family.  Then the book becomes very similar to any scrapbook where holidays, birthdays, milestones and accomplishments are captured.

Are you required to make these?

Yes!  It is stated in our foster parent handbook and covered in our training,  However my hubby loves to point out in his lawyer-ness that none of the million of things we signed when we became foster parents said that we promise to make a life book.

Did you make one for Artichoke and Zucchini?

Absolutely!  But since we don't know the information from the beginning of their lives, their books started on June 15, 2012, when they came to our home. 

Side note:  I used Mixbook, which is an amazing service!  If you are ever in the market for a photo book, you need to check them out!  Their pre-made templates are amazing and the editting software is super user-friendly!  I made a 35 page book with over 175 pictures in a weekend! 

What did you include? 

Initially, I had a really hard time figuring out what to include, what not to include, how much text to include, and really everything.  We only know bits and pieces of their life before the came to our house, so I didn't feel qualified to include any of that time period in their book.  The social worker agreed- phew!  I also decided to let the pictures tell the story- so we added very little descriptive text.  We found a few quotes that were very fitting that we used, including one from a book that both boys adore!  The next decision was how to include our families since the boys have met quite a bit of our immediate and extended families.  We took two big trips to visit each of our families, so I decided to just include pictures of the boys with our immediate families on those pages and leave it at that.  Then I tried to figure out if I should make a seperate book for each boy.  But then I quickly realized that 95% of their book would be the same, so we are ordered an extra copy so they each can have their copy of the book.  And we ordered another copy for us and another one for my parents.

Afer all of that was figured out, I started with my favorite pictures of the boys and then just started creating pages.  Here are the pages that I ended up with.

• Title Page with no text- Just pictures of the boys
• Pictures of Artichoke
• Pictures of Zucchini
• Our Home, Us and Their Room
• House Rules, Reward Charts and Treats Earned
• 4th of July
• Fun Around the House (playing with Rudy, toys, games, etc.)
• Soccer- Artichoke playing and Zucchini cheering
• Friends-  Pictures of all of the friends they have made
• Road Trip to NJ- included pictures of the in-law's
• Story Time-  Pictures of us reading books
• Zucchini's 2nd birthday
• Brothers page- pictures with this awesome quote "Sometimes being a brother is even better than being a superhero!"
• First Day of School for Artichoke
• Zucchini's Hospital Stay
• Trip to Nevada for my brother's wedding- including pictures of my family
• Halloween and the Switch Witch
• Pictures of the 4 of us including this quote "Even though you are in my home for a short time, you are in my heart forever."
• Letter to the boys

 Can we see it?

If you know me in real life, yes, yes and yes!  We ordered an extra copy for us to keep.  But it can't be posted online. It would just be a big blur.  But I'm trying to see if there is a way to at least post sections of it.  I know I would have loved to see one before creating Artichoke's and Zucchini's. 

And The Judge Said...

Before we get to the good stuff, I just want to say how relieved we are that we are at complete peace with the judge's decision.  There were A LOT of nerves before court and it actually turned out better than we were anticipating.

Short Story:  The boys are going home!  Yes there is an exclamation point at the end of that sentence.  A family is being reunited after the parents completed a lot of hard work.  We are excited for them and the boys!

Long Story:  The boys are going home, but the exact date is still be determined.  We do know that it will be before Thanksgiving.  Doesn't that just warm your heart that the family will all be together for that holiday?  Such appropriate timing!

Longer Story:  Court went about as we expected, which was nice since our biggest fear was the unexpected.  Then at the end two amazing things happened. 

First, the judge ordered (like it is officially in the court order) that we, the foster parents, be consulted when the transition plan is determined.  Really?  Us lowly foster parents!  The judge included this in response to our testimony, but it was awesome that she listened and then made it official that we are included in making sure the transition will go smoothly.  Or as smoothly as possible!

Second, an additional level of support was requested for the family and approved!  We didn't even know that this level of support was possible.  This really was the icing on the cake for us.  Now we were/are completely at peace with how this case is moving forward.  The support that the family is being given is just incredible.  They are ensuring that every single member of the family is properly supporting for this transition.  It is just fantastic.  The support began today, immediately following court, and will continue almost daily while they are preparing for the boys to return home and then after they are home for a significant period of time.

But the best part of the entire court experience was a few minutes after everything ended.  Prior to our case being heard, we gave the parents some pictures of the boys.  They were definitely shocked and didn't really say much besides a simple thank you.  Well, afterwards they both came over to us and thanked us for the pictures (and a few other things).  We chatted for a few minutes about the boys.  It was just nice to be able to share some information and laugh at the cute things they say!  Our relationship with them hasn't been the best, so it was so nice to have such a great conversation with them.  We are hoping this helps with the sharing of information as the boys transition home.  
 

Something Went Right This Week

The boys were very interested in the excitement surrounding the election "I voted" sticker.  Even as Zucchini was snuggling with me last night as he was falling asleep he asked in a panic "Where's Mimi's sticker?!?"  Heaven forbid you leave it on your jacket!

This morning our conversation over breakfast went a little like this:

Redhead in Raleigh:  Boys, do you know who is going to be the next President of the United States?

  Artichoke:  No! Who?  

Zucchini:  No!  Who?

RinR :  Barack Obama!  He got the most votes!

Artichoke:  Awesome! Rock Obama won!  

Zucchini:  Yay! Rock Omama!

Congrats Rock Omama!  We are looking forward to four more years!

 

Questions of the Day

Lately there have been a few questions that seem to be popular.  So I figured I might as well answer them here!  If you have more, please let me know!

How are you feeling?

It is a whirlwind of emotions. Right now, I feel numb.  Since we don't really know what will actually happen. And even when we find out what will happen, our future is still pretty unknown.

But there is lots of joy. That the boys are going to be reunited with their parents and siblings who they dearly love. That the parents have done lots of hard work to show the court that they are serious about getting their boys back. That we will have our freedom back- both from the responsibility of being parents but more so being out from under the microscope of "the system". We will get to sleep in and not have to send almost daily emails to social workers and others updating them on the boys.

And there is sadness. Knowing we won't get to see them every day. Knowing our house is going to be VERY quiet. Knowing that we probably won't know what/who they will become.

There is some satisfaction that anticipates heartbreak. We went into the foster parenting wanting to foster (not adopt). And that is what we have done. We hoped that reunification would happen. Because keeping a family together is a wonderful thing. We gave the boys all of our hearts for the past 5 months, fully knowing they would be broken when they left.


I thought you said that you would be able to keep in touch after they went home?

I did.  Here and here.  But at the end of the day, it will be up to the birth parents (who we have not had the best relationship with) to decide if/when/how we will be in the boys' future.  Honestly, we are expecting to have no contact with Artichoke and Zucchini after they leave our house.  Yes, it sucks.  But we knew that this was possible, so it wasn't completely unexpected.  But there will be grieving.  All though I don't think we are going to be able to "feel" this until they are gone and it really sinks in.

So what's next?

We don't know.  And we aren't trying to figure it out any time soon.  We want to finish this chapter first before we move on to the next.  I do know that we will go back to the same questions we did that got us into this mess.  Do we want kids in our life?  If so, how do we want to add children to our home?  Foster care?  Pregnancy?  Adoption?  If not, do keep status quo?  Add a dog?  Plan a crazy trip?

Typical Evening

Redhead in Raleigh:  Okay boys, time to turn off the TV and head to bed.

  Zucchini:  Oh man!  

Artichoke starts to fast forward the video:  But I just want to watch the part with Elmo!

RinR pointing to the window:  No, it is time to turn it off.  Look outside.  See how dark it is?
Zucchini:  Woh! Way past my bedtime!

 

Artichoke begins to pout and get upset.

 

RinR:  Remember we can't pout when we turn off the TV.  Otherwise, we will never be able to turn it back on.

Zucchini:  I happy now!
 

Calm After the Storm

If you haven't noticed there haven't been many any posts in a month!  Gees!  I didn't realize it had been that long until today.  I promise to catch you up on all of the adventures soon! 

 

October was crazy busy for us.  I feel like October was a storm.  It wasn't a bad storm.  Just a whirl wind of life.  Besides the everyday rat race, there were a few ER visits (everyone's doing fine), a cross country trip, and Halloween of course!  I feel like all of us just want to sit, relax and catch our breath.

 

Then we heard some rumors and the wind was knocked out of us.  The boys will be heading home very soon.  We had heard no news, which we have always thought meant no progress in the case.  So we were confused and concerned for what their future looked like.  For what our future looked like.

 

Yesterday, we had a meeting where our breath was completely taken away.  The boys will hopefully be heading home very soon.  But this time, we are elated!  No news does not mean no progress.  We are now filled with hope and excitement for their future.  

 

And to complicate the storm further, the boys are oblivious to any of these new developments.  Since the judge has the final word on if and/or when this may occur, the boys can't know until after court which happens next week.        

 

Now it seems that the storm has intensified to a level we weren't prepared for.  How do you spend your potential last Friday Family Fun Day?  Weekend?  Evening?  Who do you make playdates with?  Or do we just spend time together?  Do we spoil them with dessert every night?  Or do we continue to follow our "Eat healthy food" rule?  How do you keep your emotions in check so they don't think something is up?  How many extra snuggles can you steal?  How do you begin to pack up their things without them knowing?  What is left on their Bucket List?  What is left on our Bucket List?  What have we promised that "We can do that another day."?

 

How do we prepare for the quiet after they are gone?  Do we still keep the plans that were planned so the boys could experience them?   How do I handle changing all of our plans from 4 to 2 5 to 3- can't forget Rudy? How do you not get teary eyed when you realize that you don't need to take into account the tastebuds of little ones when you order your Produce Box for next week?  Yes, I'm crying over ordering produce while at work!  How do you prepare for the calm after the storm? 

 

 

Camping Math

We went camping this weekend with our good friends and their three kids.  Here's a simple equation to explain our adventure!

                                    5 kids under the age of 5

    4 adults

                    3 coolers of food

                      2 defective tents

1 dog

                           +              never ending thunderstorms

                              Insanity, water everywhere and lots of memories!

You could say that things didn't go quite as planned.  After 15 hours of constant showers down pours monsoon, we decided to cut our loses and move the "camping" to a structure with a non-leaking roof and indoor plumbing aka our house!  Never have I been so happy to camp 20 minutes away from home.  I might still be bitter about the accuracy of the weather forecast, but at least it didn't seem to phase the kids.  Artichoke and Zucchini both said their favorite part of camping was sleeping!  And apparently they did enjoy it quite a bit since they both slept for over 11 hours despite the leaking tent and thunderstorms! 

Surprise Birthday Explained by Artichoke

You remember how we owed the hubby a do-over on his birthday?  While the hubby was out of town at the funeral, Artichoke and Zucchini planned a surprise birthday celebration to happen after school on Daddy's first day back home.  This party was complete with a thoroughly planned out surprise that we discussed constantly while he was gone, home-made cupcakes and presents.

Artichoke while eating breakfast:  Daddy, we are going to ask you take out the trash tonight when we get home from school.  Then we are going to hide.  But you need to look for us, okay?

Daddy:  Okay.

Artichoke:  Then we will yell "Surprise!  Surprise!  Surprise!  Surprise!"  Oh yeah and "Happy Birthday!" when you find us.  You are going to be so surprised!

Daddy:  Okay!

Artichoke:  But your presents are already hiding in my closet.  We got you a basketball, basketball shoes, and a watch.  It is really a clock that you wear on your wrist!

Daddy:  Okay.

Artichoke:  And we made you yummy cupcakes too!  They have chocolate icing.  We had to taste test it on graham crackers to make sure it was good!

Daddy:  Well, I'm glad you made sure it was good!

Artichoke:  Tonight's going to be so much fun!

 

Fake Mommy and Awesome Sleepyhead

Artichoke: Mommy meet my new friend Susie!

Redhead in Raleigh:  Hi Susie!  It is nice to meet you.

**Susie looks from Artichoke to Redhead in Raleigh and back again.**

Susie to Artichoke:  Is that your real mommy?

Artichoke very matter-of-a-fact-ly:  No, that's my fake mommy.


Yes, that really happened.  And yes, that one stung.  But I'll just add it to the growing list of names!  And honestly, as complex as this situation is, I can't really expect more of Artichoke.  He regularly refers to his biological mommy as his "real mommy", so in 5 year-old logic it makes perfect sense that I am his "fake mommy".  The same way that Daddy is still regularly referred to as an "awesome sleepyhead" since he took one nap for two hours when he had pneumonia when the boys first lived with us, even though Mommy (albeit fake) takes naps on a regular basis.

Does that one come in my size?

There has been a lot of chatter in our house about Halloween costumes.  I am a big fan of family coordinated costumes.  Last year, Rudy was a lobster (sorry no pictures), I was a chef (again no pictures) and the hubby was a lobster in a pot (glad I have a picture of that one, right?)!

This year Artichoke and Zucchini has no interest in being a lobster, so we are looking for new costumes.  Zucchini will agree to pretty much anything.  "Yeah, *insert costume idea* for Halloween!  So cool!"  Artichoke is a much harder sell.

We do have a few rules about Halloween costumes.

#1.  You can't be anything/anyone that we aren't allowed to watch on TV.
#2.  You can't be anything scary.

Since we do not watch anything on TV that is remotely violent, this means no Spongebob, no super heroes, no Ninja Turtles, no Star Wars, etc.  Now I should say that I don't necessarily think that these shows are inappropriate for every five year-old, but they are inappropriate for Artichoke.  This is where I'd normally explain why.  But I can't without telling you too much, so you'll just have to trust me on that one.  And the boys aren't a fan of scary things, even if they sometimes pretend they are.  So anything scary is out too!  Again, you'll just have to trust me on the complete reasoning behind that one!

Artichoke and I have narrowed down our options to Lightning McQueen, Michael Phelps, and Super Mario.  Yes, it is quite an eclectic group!  So the other night I thought we could finally get this figured out.

Redhead in Raleigh: What do you think would be a super duper cool Halloween costume?

Artichoke:  Hmmmm.  Well, I have to turn around 3 times to do my serious thinking.

RinR:  Okay, but when you are done turning around 3 times you need to tell me what would be the most super duper cool Halloween costume.

Artichoke:  *turns* One *turns* Two *turns* Three *huge smile* JON!

RinR:  My brother?

Artichoke:  Yeah!  Does that one come in my size?

We are still in Halloween costume debate since I have no clue what constitutes a "Jon" costume.

My Heart Aches

So typically when I'm quiet on here it is because things are getting crazy in the world of foster mom-ing.  This time my quietness is due to pulling a muscle in my neck/shoulder, which leaves me wanting nothing more than my bed and pain meds as soon as I get home.  I did it cleaning out a closet over Labor Day weekend.  Not much incentive to ever do that again!  My neck still hurts (a lot) as I type.  But it is the craziness of the foster world that is making me break my silence because I just need to scream.  And vent.  And tell you that I am so mad right now.  And beyond frustrated.  And so annoyed that I can't just tell you the whole story. 

We are at another one of those moments where I say, "I didn't think this would be the hard part." as I wipe tears from my face as I cry in my car on my lunch break.  We always thought that the kids would be the hard part.  Dealing with their behavior.  Falling in love to only have them be reunited with their birth parents. 

The truth is the kids aren't the problem.  First of all, they are super cute!


Here's proof!

 Second, we have made so many huge strides in behavior, development and bonding.  It is really becoming more fun than work to hang out with them.  Finally, we aren't at the point where they are being reunited with their birth parents, so no heartbreak... yet.

The source of the frustration?  The system. 

The most annoying part?  That it is happening again.

In fact, the system has made me (and the hubby) so mad that the thought of quitting this fostering journey has crossed our minds.  Side note: Quitting means giving the boys back to the county to find another foster family willing to endure this craziness.  And this makes me LIVID.  That thought should never come into our minds.  It especially should not occur as a result of the system.  IWe don't want to do this.  It would only hurt the boys.  And as we have covered previously, they are not the problem so they definitely don't deserve for us to give up on them now.  But things have gone beyond crazy and I need to evaluate my sanity.  I have a job that I need to keep.  A life that I need to live.  And this case is taking over every aspect of my life.  And it isn't getting better.  In fact, things are getting worse!

So I'm sure you want to know how things have gotten crazy.  And that is where this post sucks because I can't give you details.  This is what I can say.  The court order has been violated- multiple times.  Issues have been escalated.  And then escalated.  And then escalated some more.  We have been accused of things that are laughable if you know us at all.  Policy has been broken.  And then broken again.  And now?  The law has been broken.

I'm beyond disappointed.  I'm so frustrated that the system can't get its act together to provide the service that these boys deserve and need.  I don't want to give up on these boys, but the fight is exhausting (mentally and emotionally).  And when no one really seems to be committed to actually making it better, you begin to wonder if any changes will ever be made? 

My heart aches.

How are the boys?

This is probably the most asked question I get these days.  The problem is that I'm not quite sure how to answer it.  I think most people don't quite know what to ask since this situation is pretty unique to most.  I do think it is coming from a good place where people are trying to support but not trying to pry.  I definitely appreciate that, but it still puts me in a pickle to try to come up with a suitable answer.

The simple answer: They are doing well.  

But it seems like people asking this really want to know more.  So this is my attempt to answer the questions that are going unsaid in the above question.

Both boys are settling in nicely to our home.  We have established rules with both consequences and rewards.  While we are still trying to find our groove, we have still figured out a pretty good morning and evening routine.  This still needs a bit of tweaking until we don't have to think through it each day and it becomes groove-like, but at least we are heading in the right direction.  We (me and the hubby) are still getting used to our weekends being so active.  There might still be weekends that creep up on us and we realize we don't have anything planned to do with the boys.  Thankfully, we have a great group of friends who have accepted our last minute play dates!

While I was heart-broken to leave our old daycare, we were not sad to start our new daycare.  It was one of the top contenders when we did the Daycare Tour of 2012.  And I'm super happy to say that they have done nothing but continue to impress us with how they handle the boys, handle our situation and handle us being first-time clueless parents!  I actually think this was for the best, which is so surprising considering the path that brought us there.  But the boys are doing great!  They enjoy going to school and they both have definitely been learning lots of new things!

Both boys love swimming.  So there have been lots of family trips to the pool.  We have even arranged for Artichoke to have private swim lessons.  He has been making huge progress from lesson to lesson, so we are thinking he will be officially swimming pretty soon!  Zucchini has a ball following along with everything his brother is doing during lesson time.  I'm not quite sure that we'll have him swimming as quickly, but he is definitely super comfortable in the water!  Although I think he might just like swimming because that means he gets to wear his goggles.  Lately, he has been asking for them when getting dressed in the morning.  He likes to wear them up on his forehead all day long.  They must be the new hot accessory this season!

Both boys are great sleepers.  They typically sleep for 12 hours a night.  On weekends, we have a 3 hour quiet time in the afternoon.  Zucchini typically sleeps this entire time, and Artichoke will sleep at least half of the time if not all of it too!

Both boys are wonderful eaters.  They recently tried sushi for the first time (or so we think).  It was a success for both of them, which made us SUPER happy!  Sushi was one of our pre-kid treats, so it is nice to know that it can now be a treat for the entire family!  We do eat out about once or twice a week.  The boys behave very well in a restaurant.  And we are quickly learning which restaurants are actually kid-friendly.

Does this cover the different aspects of the question "How are the boys?"?  If not, what else are you wondering?  Just remember, you are more than welcome to ask any questions about them.  Really!  Ask away!  I just may not be able to answer them!

House Rules

The first day that Artichoke and Zucchini were in our house, we had house rules.  We had to create a list of House Rules during our MAPP training.  But to be honest, I had no clue where that list of rules was on the day the boys arrived. So we just started with a few simple things and others were added as needed or requested by Artichoke and Zucchini.

Learning how to effectively discipline the boys, especially Artichoke, took some time is still a work in progress.  We started the first day making our family rules.  It was a group effort with everyone, even Zucchini, giving input.  Here is the list of rules as it stands today.

Always be nice.

Always tell the truth.

Eat healthy food.

Learn from our mistakes.

No hitting.

Share our toys.

No whining.

Always listen.

If we follow the rules, we will be HAPPY and will have FUN! 

What are your house rules?  Are they consistent?  Or a work in progress?