Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Questions of the Day

Lately there have been a few questions that seem to be popular.  So I figured I might as well answer them here!  If you have more, please let me know!

How are you feeling?

It is a whirlwind of emotions. Right now, I feel numb.  Since we don't really know what will actually happen. And even when we find out what will happen, our future is still pretty unknown.

But there is lots of joy. That the boys are going to be reunited with their parents and siblings who they dearly love. That the parents have done lots of hard work to show the court that they are serious about getting their boys back. That we will have our freedom back- both from the responsibility of being parents but more so being out from under the microscope of "the system". We will get to sleep in and not have to send almost daily emails to social workers and others updating them on the boys.

And there is sadness. Knowing we won't get to see them every day. Knowing our house is going to be VERY quiet. Knowing that we probably won't know what/who they will become.

There is some satisfaction that anticipates heartbreak. We went into the foster parenting wanting to foster (not adopt). And that is what we have done. We hoped that reunification would happen. Because keeping a family together is a wonderful thing. We gave the boys all of our hearts for the past 5 months, fully knowing they would be broken when they left.


I thought you said that you would be able to keep in touch after they went home?

I did.  Here and here.  But at the end of the day, it will be up to the birth parents (who we have not had the best relationship with) to decide if/when/how we will be in the boys' future.  Honestly, we are expecting to have no contact with Artichoke and Zucchini after they leave our house.  Yes, it sucks.  But we knew that this was possible, so it wasn't completely unexpected.  But there will be grieving.  All though I don't think we are going to be able to "feel" this until they are gone and it really sinks in.

So what's next?

We don't know.  And we aren't trying to figure it out any time soon.  We want to finish this chapter first before we move on to the next.  I do know that we will go back to the same questions we did that got us into this mess.  Do we want kids in our life?  If so, how do we want to add children to our home?  Foster care?  Pregnancy?  Adoption?  If not, do keep status quo?  Add a dog?  Plan a crazy trip?

elissa

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