Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Update on the Circus of Foster Mom-ing

I have been a little MIA on here lately.  It hasn't been because nothing has been going on.  Things have been a-happening.  But they are things that I can't really talk about in much detail, which makes it REALLY hard to blog when everything I want to say I can't. So I decided that I'm just going to attempt to give an update with the things that I can say.  Let's see how this goes!

Remember back when I said that I was super frustrated that we were getting no support?  Well, we still aren't.  At least not to the level that is expected in the system.  The good news is that some players within the system have recognized this and are trying to get things back on track.  But there is some resistance (hello more frustration), so it is still definitely a work in progress.  Another huge piece of good news is that we have found some support in a very atypical place- but we'll take it!  Support is support, right?  And if someone else is willing to stick their neck out to fight for these boys, I want them on my team! 

I have to say that all of the craziness that has occurred revolving around this "support" issue has been really hard to cope with.  First of all, we can't really explain it to anyone since so much of it is weaved in with the details of the case.  So venting isn't really an option.  Second, the few people we can vent to are in complete shock as to how things are unfolding because "this isn't how it is supposed to work".  While that does give me some comfort that our situation is not the norm, it is very frustrating that we are in the middle of it.  Finally, I have a really hard time blocking it all out so that I can just enjoy spending time with the boys.  I'm not saying that I don't enjoy my time with the boys.  But I have a hard time not consistently processing everything that has been going on, which makes the craziness feel omnipresent.  I long for the day that I feel like it is just the four five of us (can't forget Rudy) without the system waiting for an update, status update or wanting to come over for a visit.  

And that brings me to how this case has consumed my life.  On a daily basis, I am still shocked at the time and energy I spend remaining committed to my role as foster mom.  I think this is the hardest part of being a foster mom.  It would be MUCH simpler if I was just trying to provide a safe environment for these boys to grow and learn.  But we do a lot more than that.  Now my lunch break is filled with sending emails almost on a daily basis to a slew of people explaining recent behavior (good or bad), the latest random comment about their past (which could be of consequence or not- we rarely know), and scheduling visits/meetings/sessions for both us and the boys.  Then we get to attend meetings, hearings, court dates.  And don't forget getting the boys to their appointments.  At least the county is able to provide transportation for them some of the time.  Now do you see why posts have been few and far between?

That doesn't even include all of the random little things that foster parents are required to do.  Simple example, log every time we give the boys any medicine.  This includes over the counter drugs.  And of course the log isn't simple: date, time, medicine, amount in bottle, dosage given, remaining amount.  Heaven forbid you spill a little!  

Someone recently asked if we regretted our decision to get involved in this crazy mess.  The answer is definitely NO.  But it definitely isn't what we expected.  Many of the things we were so scared would happen haven't.  And so many other things are an issue that we never imagined could be.  The biggest surprise?  We never expected the fight, at least to this degree.  I was naive to think that the system would work better, which it apparently does in many other cases.  But we are fighting and will continue to make sure the best interest of these boys is the number one priority for everyone. 

So that's what has been going on lately.  I'll try to give you more vague updates as the circus continues.


  1. Hi -- your blog was one of the first fostering blogs I ran across and I have been checking back wondering where you were! I hate that it has not been going "as it should" as a "pending final approval newbie foster parent" that is one of my greatest fears that it will just be a mess. But I know God is leading me in this and I can make it through. You will be in my prayers. The foster blogs have been reading are providing wonderful support and advice and I have not even had a child in my home yet! here is the link to my blog just starting out blogging....if your interested....http://jimschick13.blogspot.com/

    1. Thanks so much for thinking of me! It seems that in foster care very little goes as planned, since each situation can be so different. But if your heart is in the right place then you will find your way through all of the mess. Thanks for sharing your blog! I look forward to reading about your journey! Let me know if you have any questions along the way!