Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Planning the Labyrinth of Life

Staying true to my anal-accountant tendencies, I am a planner to say the least. I plan everything from the placement of serving platters at parties, to shopping lists, to major life stages (moving, kids, etc.). It is how I find order in a crazy, unpredictable world. Recently, I have learned that even the best planning doesn't make things fall in place.

As some of you know, our decision to move to Raleigh was not a sudden one. We researched for over a year to determine which city we should move to. We took a 10 day trip to visit various cities in 5 different states where we looked at houses, schools and jobs. Raleigh won by a landslide and it seemed that our plan for our life in Raleigh initially fell into place quickly. I got a great job earlier than expected that included relocation. We ended up in a house that we truly love and were surprised to discover that we have the best neighbors you could ever expect. But unfortunately the plan hasn't continued to play out as we expected leaving us uncertain of the future. But this uncertainty and lack of planning has not been with out some positives. Our marriage has grown stronger as we lean on one another through the ups and downs. And I have learned that it is okay to revamp the plan. But we are still left wondering how everything will play out and the impacts that will have on our family, which will hopefully be more than us and Rudy.

Since our move to Raleigh, I have been struggling with trusting God's plan. I'm a huge believer in everything happening for a reason because God has things figured out. But recently I have been searching to grasp onto something that indicates that this journey is actually going somewhere. Many times I feel defeated and frustrated since our hard work doesn't seem to get us any closer to "the plan" (or even the 17th revision of it), being more prepared for kids or even just having a clear picture of what to expect in our future. And yes, as you guessed it! That last one is the one that really bothers me. How can you even start to make a plan when your future is so uncertain? And without a plan, how can I feel secure in such an ever changing world?

This brings me to the sermon I heard this past Sunday. The scripture was Matthew 4:18-22 where Jesus asked Simon and Andrew (and then James and John) to come follow him and be fishers of men. And they just got up, leaving his fishing nets, and followed Jesus. They had no clue what was in store, but trusted that things would work out. The pastor then related their/our journey with Jesus to a labyrinth. For those of you unfamiliar a labyrinth is like a maze, but there is only one path (no dead ends) that leads to the center. As you follow along the path of a labyrinth you may think that you have it all figured out of how to get to the center. But then the path turns in an expected direction, possibly further away from the center. It can leave you questioning if you are on the right path. But if you continue to trust the path laid before you, you will eventually make it to the center.

This analogy really spoke to me since I feel like our journey is in the labyrinth and we are currently walking away from the center. It doesn't feel like I'm going to the right direction, but I don't know where else to go but forward. So my new plan is to just keep following the path because I'll eventually make it to where God intended. Now I have no clue where this journey is going to take me or even where I'm going to end up. But now more than ever, I need to trust the journey and trust that God does have a plan and things will work out sooner or later!

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