Friday, February 3, 2012

Foster Friday: Scared

Most of the time I'm super excited abour our Foster-Parents-To-Be status.  But this week, I've found myself asking "What the hell are we doing?" more than a few times.  The truth is..

I'm scared

Scared we will be overwhelmed
Scared we won't know what to do
Scared that we will make mistakes
Scared the kid(s) won't feel our love
Scared the first night will be awkward
Scared we won't know what to talk to the kid(s) about
Scared that the kid(s) won't like Rudy
Scared Rudy won't like the kid(s)
Scared of why the kid(s) came into care
Scared that no one will really know the fully story since their case is strictly confidential
Scared that I won't ever be able to fully vent due to confidentiality
Scared my friends/family won't understand why I can't tell them everything
Scared we won't be able to incorporate their culture correctly into our family
Scared we will white-wash the kid(s)
Scared we won't know how to do their hair
Scared of the public's reaction to a transracial family
Scared of my response to the public's reaction to a transracial family
Scared I won't know how to explain the kid(s)' relation to us in public
Scared the birth family won't want anything to do with us
Scared I'll stop cheering for the birth family
Scared I'll forget the ultimate goal of reunification
Scared how our marriage will change with kids in the picture
Scared of not being part of their lives after they leave our daily life
Scared of the temporary

But that is all part of this process, right?  No one ever said that is was going to be fun and easy.  I think the most important part is that despite the fear, I'm excited.  Actually, I'm really excited!  And the list of reasons why is ten times longer than the reasons I'm scared. 

1 comment:

  1. Elissa, you are going to do great! Just take it one day/hour at a time and do your best. I am always here to help or listen!